Is progress always a good thing? |
 |
Raise your TOEFL Essay score SUPERFAST at TestMagic!!
|
| Note: All essays are reproduced here as they were
submitted. TestMagic estimated score: 5.25/6.0: Good ideas and good development and support, but needs smoother transitions and more even development. Some of the language and word choices are not quite right.
|
|
Original Essay
|
TestMagic Comments |
| The nobleness & the use of progress in any field, to an
individual, or to the society on the whole, will depend on what use the
progress is being put to, and I feel, cannot be generalized as stated
above.
|
One
of the most common errors is committed in this introduction--failure to
restate the topic.
|
| Progress has been inherent with the human race. As the human brain
developed, so has progress been achieved, in almost all fields known to
man. The cultural progress over the ages, have made humans better and made
this world, a better place to live in. Similarly, scientific progress has
been effective in eradicating diseases, providing better food crops,
facilitating transportation etc. Literary progress has helped us better
document our history and has produced works that have made us think.
Progress in communication techniques have converged this whole world of
ours, into the 'global village'.
|
More specific examples would strengthen this paragraph. |
| If we look at the above examples, we see that they are all aimed at the
betterment of our world. Here progress is being applied for the society's
good.
|
This paragraph seems like a topic sentence and should be included in another paragraph. |
| The products from the same progress in the various fields, when in
wrong hands, wreak havoc in the same society that they are supposed to
make better.
|
Again, this paragraph is a topic sentence and might better be included with the following paragraph. |
| Sophisticated arms & explosives in the hands of terrorists &
children, science of human cloning in the hands of scientists, crop
control technologies in the hands of corporations etc., are some of the
examples of how progress can go wrong. Think of how much better the world
would be, without nuclear and biological weapons, without mutated food
grains et al. Think of how many people would not have died or maimed for
life, if there had been no land mines ? After witnessing the destructive
use the Dynamite could be put to, Alfred Nobel himself repented his own
creation of Dynamite so much that he set up the Nobel prize, to be awarded
to people who work for the betterment of the human society.
|
The ideas of this paragraph are good, but they could be better organized for smoother transitions. The example of the invention of dynamite is a good example, but the writer should explain how dynamite was considered progress in the first place. |
| Therefore, it is my strong contention that progress is only good when it is put to the right use, for the betterment and upliftment of the individual and the society, on a whole. Progress put to any ulterior uses should be outrightly condemned. | There are some language errors here, specifically the words upliftment and outrightly. However, this conclusion is good and the ideas are good. |